A couple of weeks ago, Josh and I found out we were pregnant. We went to the doctor, they gave me a due date of July 3,2011 and we went on our way. THE NEXT DAY, I started clotting, big clots! We went in, we miscarried. I am now on a birth control pill, never to get pregnant for a long time again. Something is wrong, and when they test the tissue, which I will get the results in a couple weeks, I will know why my body, for sure, does this to us. Am I being punished for the way I lived my life almost a decade ago? Am I being punished for being over weight? Are we being punished for not being married and wanting to be parents? What is the problem. As you can see, a lot has occurred in the last few weeks since I last wrote. My aunt Vickie came home from Washington state, and the night before she left she told me I was molested by my grandfather on my dad's side, I think I wanted to kill her. Its not true, so why in the hell would she say this in front of Josh and then tell me that my grandmother and my uncle both know it happened?? Is she that dumb, or is she just stirring the pot. For the record, I have never been molested, I was raped 1 time when I was 17, because I went on a date with a man I met through the internet, but nothing ever became of that. Also she tells me she is sorry for ever doubting Jace's death. It felt like a very hollow Im sorry. Also, Josh is getting a job site transfer. He will be working security at a local factory, its a pay cut, but more growth opportunity there. Very exciting. Oh, our tree is up, its only a 4 foot tree, but its big enough for just Josh and I. It is decorated in candy canes, haha. The last few days have been spent, putting in a new toilet, painting and cleaning the bathroom, and prepping the spare bedroom for Joshs older brother to move in. We dont need a nursery now, so he will be moving in little by little and helping us with a third of the monthly bills and the back taxes. So a lot of painting has been going on here. The bathroom is a pink color with a yellow trim, it all matches the decor in there, and Alan's bedroom is a yellow color with a chocolate trim. Its actually prettier than I thought it would be. Its a work in progress that bedroom. Last night Josh and I spent the evening painting, putting away laundry, doing dishes and then we sat down, watched 2 Christmas movies and just relaxed. Peace and quiet! Very nice! Today we went by the cemetery for a quick second, did some grocery shopping for Thanksgiving, and had a quiet lunch before Josh was sent off to work. As the holidays are quickly approaching I watch these families with their children, teens to infants, and I just long for the day, when Josh and I can be parading and chasing our children around the grocery store while holiday shopping. Sounds crazy, because most parents dread chasing 5 year olds around in the store, but to me its something that symbolizes parenthood :-) We have names picked out already for our future child, that shows we are hopeful someday God will bless us with a baby girl or boy. Kyla Nevaeh and Cale Jackson will be the name of choice. So opinion, my baby brother, he is 13, and today a child put a Nazi sign on his desk and the class started calling him a Nazi...broke my heart... :-( Well thats all tonight...heres pictures of my house...
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