4 months after the loss of our angel Jace, we find ourselves wondering, what is our next move-Josh just started a new job site, and his last check and next pay check are going to be so small, we have to decide between groceries or a bill-its nuts-come the 2nd check in Feb though all will be okay. We are also now stuck in between staying at the house we live in now, we are settled, we have put a lot of work into it, and its big enough for us, and paying rent because we cant get all the taxes paid off in time, or trying for a mortgage and moving, which will get us out of this crazy area, into our own home, and the space will be bigger, but it could mean less money every month, more renovations and again the moving thing. We are stuck between decisions, so I trust Josh to make the best one, and I will obviously go with it. Jace's headstone is now down to 253 dollars until its paid off, which is satisfying. My relationship with my parents is much better, my relationship with Joshs family seems to be worse almost, and my relationship with Josh, despite our 5 year anniversary coming up the 30th, is a little bumpy right now. He is working 3rd shift, I am still at home, and its just a lot of routine, but I am happy with it. So do we adopt or do we hope for the best in the future with our own fertility. I guess we will find out as time goes on. In the mean time, my best friend of 11 years is now talking to me again, after some comments I made out of pure insanity, I have another new friend, who can totally relate to me, she too is an angel mother. We got a few inches of snow this last week, its melting, so Im hoping we get more snow soon, but I look forward to planting my flowers this spring and then in the summer possibly having another pool up or something. Nothing too much has gone on though since I last blogged, just thinking a lot about where the future will take us. Joshs new job has a lot of opportunity for growth, he just needs to believe in himself more and take it on full and strong. A lot of prayers go out to a couple from Lincoln who just lost their twin boys, to stillbirth last week. My heart breaks for you, and you will remain in all my thoughts and prayers. Lots of love and luck to each angel parent out there.
Fluffy Hugs and Lots of Love,
Ashleigh and Angels
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