Day 3 of Meetings, Day 57 Since Jace Died...

Day 3 of OA meetings: I am actually finding some peace of mind attending this group. I am able to talk about the death of Jace, while also indulge in my more personal private things like my weight and such. I have never felt more at peace online, than I do with this group. I have set a goal for myself: 90 meetings in 90 days, 100 lbs in 12 months, 2300 calories a day, 90 minutes of light work out a week, 500 carbs a day or less, and 1 meeting a day. Tomorrow I attend my OA F2F group. I am scared shitless about that. It is easier for me to hide behind a computer screen than it is to walk into a room full of OA members and be the new person...very anxiety ridden. My boyfriend/ex what ever you want to call him, comes home, pissed off because his mother didnt take back the movies on time and and now we are a few bucks short on our car insurance which is due tomorrow...of course she wont find this to be her fault in any way shape or form. She is actually the reason, Josh and I are not a couple at this point in time. She kisses Jessi's ass, and leaves me out, when I actually want to do things with her, but I am not a family member, I am not anything to her or that family because I dont wear a wedding ring, carry the Whitcomb last name or have a screaming baby on my hip! Neither of those options seem too close in my reach right now. Nor do I really wish them to be at this point in time. I guess I am dealing with the loss of being a mother just like any other woman probably would...like a complete and total witch! I know that I am not roses and champaign lately...I know that I am a bat out of hell. I dont mean to be, I just am an emotional mess.  P.S. that movie Monster In Law...that is the perfect image of Josh's mother...irk...words cant even describe this woman. I am used to my family bending over backwards to help us, I am used to them loving Josh and I and treating us to lunches or helping us when we are emotional...his family...they are like aliens, lying, ugly, aliens! Is that too harsh? Peace of mind, Light of the heart....that is what I am currently seeking for myself :-)