Depression....

So, I was talking to a friend today who tried to get me motivated enough to clean my house. I am not a nasty person, my house has always been spotless, but since Jace died, I literally have not fully cleaned my house, I shove stuff places when guests come over, but it was getting so bad, I knew I had to clean it today, it was now or never. Is this depression? Someone told me it was a major warning sign for depression. Its now almost midnight, and I am just about done. I keep stopping, flopping on my bed, or plopping in front of the computer, and I just cant find motivation. I dont have a child to clean for, and I think thats what it is, I just dont see the sense on cleaning anything, including myself. I have to be forced to get in the shower, to wash my hair, etc. I didnt shave for the last month, but today I finally did. Its just gross. I hate being like this, yet my body is saying NO DONT, and my brain is saying YES YOU ARE GROSS! I have basically made this my life, my mission, helping others, but what about myself? I go see Jace almost daily, sometimes a few times a week at least, but its like, is that helping or hindering me? So many questions. Anyways, I got my laundry all put away, everything vacuumed and mopped, dishes all done, bed made, cat box scooped, showered, shaved, grocery list done, bills paid, all I have left to do is go to the store and wash my toilet and sink in the bathroom. THEN I AM DONE! But my only concern is, should I have done it all at once, because I know how I am acting now, and I know that I could potentially go another 2 or 3 weeks without doing anything. I have seeked outside help, am seeing my therapist the 26th and possibly going on a medicine for the depression. I see other mothers playing with their children outside and I just get this sense of anger and jealousy, like why them and not me, does anyone understand? Well I better finish my bathroom before I never do it. Making a pot of chili tonight, and going to do a diet, I gained 6 lbs in a month, probably more actually. Who knows! Fluffy Angel Kisses, Ashleigh

P.S. this is a photo my sister in law took today at the cemetery, she and my brother in law(Joshs brother and wife) took balloons up with writings on the back of them, very special people in my eyes.